Recently, New Australian Bulletin received a communication from a Taiwanese activist evading the thrall of the  Chinese Communist Party. She had scandalous information to share about the culture of “blatant degeneracy, lies, and anti-Western mania” running hog wild in the Global Times offices.

Primarily, she named its editor Hu Xijin as being “One of the greatest degenerates of this century.”

The Global Times is a Chinese daily tabloid and online newspaper run by the Chinese Communist Party’s flagship People’s Daily. Highly propagandistic, its nationalist tone is downright shrill. Often, we wondered what fuelled the fantastical diatribes and invective that gush forth from the frenzied key-pads of the GT’s two-finger typists but this communique has helped our understanding. We can now reveal that most of the GT’s writers are cranked up on the chemically engineered drug Xi4 which is supplied from Beijing’s Ministry of Science and Technology and distributed by members of the Triads. In the GT offices, Hu Xijin personally oversees the dispensing of this highly addictive chemical. Xi4 is taken nasally in a powder form, like cocaine, with which it shares similarities.

This is the same Ministry she says is linked to China’s military and scientific experiments involved in research into biological warfare which produced the COVID-19 virus. In the interests of keeping nationalistic furore at a high, they have chemically manipulated this drug that acts upon the part of the brain responsible for hubris. They are issued to pro-Beijing counter-protesters in both Hong Kong and Taiwan with plans to roll Xi4 out in Western countries through a smuggling syndicate.

Moreover, the drug was developed for use in the People’s Army where it is hoped that with the powerful sense of hauteur coupled with a feeling of invincibility when it comes time to attack Taiwan the soldiers will perform like robot stormtroopers.

The Chinese brain has a higher hubris section than any other, which accounts for how easily grizzled Chinese become over anything. It also explains why many fights erupt between peasants in markets over such things as the last barbecued scorpion, and who got to it first.

“They need their writers to be savage,” wrote our whistle-blower. “They must at all times be in a state of heightened rancour and petulance. But it’s gone too far.”

Our source, who we shall refer to as Liu X, has described that the effects of the drug are not dissimilar to Ice. The user after a while is overcome with an uncontrollable sexual urge and if no willing partner is on hand the addict will resort to rape. Liu X explains, “Because the drug has such a powerful effect on the writers’ libidos rape became a very big problem for the Global Times, with one writer unable to find a female to rape so he spent five hours humping the reception area sofa. Now they have Mongolian prostitutes come in every day and they pay them top renminbi.”

But it’s not just the increased sex drive that Xi4 causes; once a user is coming down his appetite increases and he craves junk food. Lui X explains, “The drug doesn’t just make them so horny, they get the munchies terribly. In the Global Times office, there is junk food coming in all the time, Western-style junk food like KFC and McDonald’s. There’s no end to it and given their anti-Western rhetoric it’s very hypocritical which is why no outsider is allowed into the Global Times office. Beijing doesn’t mind the prostitutes so much but the Western-style junk food looks bad.”

With so much balling and gorging it’s little wonder that cleaners have a dirty job when they roll on the rubber gloves and drag in the vacuum cleaner. “It’s not unusual to find used condoms dropped in empty thick shake containers, and half-eaten burgers under the desks,” said Liu X.

The worst offender by far is the editor, Hu Xijin who reportedly needs the drugs to write. Because he’s been using so long, he needs more and more just to work up a good lead paragraph. But when he gets going nothing stops him and the attacks he makes, especially on Australia, mean that Beijing looks the other way on the prostitutes and bat-meat Big Macs.

Most recently, he wrote about firing a missile at Australia should we involve ourselves with any American support against an attack on Taiwan. Some of his writing is red-penned from a higher editor at the People’s Daily. According to Liu X, he wrote about using biological weapons against Australia to “teach [us} a lesson” but the story was blocked. He also wanted the PLA to send in warships and fire ten-thousand nuclear warheads at the big Merino in Goulburn, NSW. For some reason, he is fixated on the giant sheep which he chides is cursed by Chinese custom and is a direct insult to President Xi Jinping for reasons he cannot articulate.

However, all of his Xi4 use is having unwanted side effects. The overstimulation and hard sex with Mongolian prostitutes have left Hu Xijin with a shrunken sexual organ that no amount of traditional Chinese medicine has been able to restore to its former glory. This, in turn, has embittered him further against Australia which he blames for causing him to lose his balls. As such, he has been plotting at a local soup den with high ranking members of the PLA to hatch a coup in Canberra and have Scott Morrison replaced with ‘friend of China’ Daniel Andrews.

So far, the plot is only at the rumour stage but Liu X believes that Andrews’ recent mishap which has left him unable to work for months is part of the plan to oust Morrison.

“Andrews is not in hospital but at Chinese embassy learning every word of Xi Jinping’s thoughts and wisdom. He is learning how to use chopsticks as a weapon in case he is attacked.”

While we’re bound by oath to safeguard Liu X’s true identity, we urge the federal government to meet with us for secret talks to help her escape and seek asylum. We’ve already told her she’s not welcome in Australia because it’s a racist country so she said fine she’d rather go to New Zealand instead. Time in this matter is of the essence.

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