8 min 2 yrs

A prestigious $30,000 a year Boys School on Sydney’s lower north shore has managed to piss everybody off.

A group of Year 12 students at Shore School published a list of illicit ‘challenges’ to meet during this year’s muck-up day. These included “spit on a homeless man”, “get with an Asian chick”, “sack whack (Hit in the groin – ED) a complete stranger walking past”, among others.

The Triwizard Shorenament, which is a reference to the Harry Poofter series, was knocked together by Year 12 students since there is a definite finality to the challenge (that and they say so). In other words, these are kids who’ll be gone in a few weeks, so they don’t give the proverbial. Nonetheless, the challenges are quite well, challenging.

For instance, we are disturbed by the “get with an Asian chick” challenge, since this suggestion is the product of a future Young Liberal. It goes against everything that we should be teaching white boys. If it was “spit on an Asian girl”, well, we could approve. Having said, it’s apparent that since it forms part of a challenge, involving other grotesque dares relating to ugly women, such as having sex with a woman weighing over 80kg, it is meant to be degrading. Notwithstanding, any kid fulfilling this challenge would need the living shit kicked out of him on racial grounds.

The “spit on a homeless man” challenge, while disrespectful, would probably provide said feral with the only shower they’ll have likely had in a long time.  Plus, they might pick on the wrong ‘homeless man’ and end up getting stabbed through the heart, which would be hysterical, since no one mourns a rich kid any more than they do a deadbeat. More to the point, where are they going to find a homeless man on the north shore?

As to contestants being asked to ‘defecate on a train’ — this task would nicely prepare them for a life as a ‘jogger’, given that public spaces are the lavatories of choice for joggers. Driveways, parking lots, beneath apartment windows, all are fair game to a jogger whose bowels are on the boil. On the other hand, we’d love them to give it a go, since it’d be a train on the north-shore line that suffered, which has a ring of justice about it.

The challenge came in two ranges, one an “Apprentice” challenge, with mostly silly stuff, and the other the “Beta”, for the more hardcore participant. Evidence was to be provided with video and photos uploaded to a private Instagram account.

The ‘Shorenament’ was supposed to be hush-hush, and came with the caveats, “If anyone gets caught by a teacher/cops they will say that they were just having fun between the 5/6 of them and won’t mention the tournament.” And, “What happens on the night stays within the night. No evidence is to be shared outside of the Year 12 2020 Shore community.” Finally, “Remember the boys’ code. We protect each other at all costs.”

If the leaking of their challenge before so much as a single kid had a chance to cause public outrage is anything to go by, the actual Shorenament night would’ve been an unprecedented disaster. They couldn’t even keep the event secret before the night let alone what was supposed to happen on the night. If these lads are our future leaders, be very worried.

The subsequent media attention surrounding this Dead Poofter Society and its proposed night of decadence drew instant rebuke from the Shore’s head homo. An email was sent to all parents and students sternly warning against involvement and promising to hunt down the individuals responsible. The challenge was probably devised by the headmaster anyway. Apart from producing a sizeable amount of the next generation of homosexuals, it’s schools like this which churn out paedophiles like a sweatshop.

Since the publication of the intended Shorenament, the media has dug into the school’s past, chivvying out disgruntled former pupils who couldn’t cut the private school mustard.

They spoke of a ‘hyper-masculine culture’ at the school. Could’ve fooled us, no one that goes around dressed like a Pommy poofter with a stiff ‘boater’ and school tie could be considered the least bit manly. These are dishrags, total pansies whose mummies were the first to leap to the defence of their sensitive little soldiers with a Shoremums hashtag.

The ‘hyper-masculine’ boys were quick to show off their class prejudice and privilege, too. A number of these gay Shore boys were filmed by a TikTok nobody who has his channel of pimply followers. We don’t care what his name is much less the name of his show. However, he filmed himself with a bunch at the North Sydney plaza where — after fanning away the heady scent of powerful testosterone — he asked them to the name the worst suburbs in Sydney. Right away they heaped on Mt Druitt, Blacktown and Bankstown because they are “full of druggos” and “lame thugs and eshays”. Google ‘eshay’ we can’t be bothered explaining it.

Now, they are right to name these suburbs as among the worst, but they have failed totally in their reasons given. Yes, these suburbs are full of druggos, lame thugs and eshays, but they are more importantly full of blacks, Lebs, Indians, and Asians. Blacktown especially lives up to its name. The fact these dandies don’t know this shows they’re responding to out-of-date stereotypes.

Frankly, for all those white kids caught in those suburbs who don’t appreciate being spoken down to by rich kids with a taste for super-absorbent toilet paper, the type the queen uses, they ought to have their own challenge. It’s called, ‘Try to make it out of the school gates of your gay school alive.’ They should make a day of it; take a train ride out to sunny Milsons Point, get off, take a walk around the Harbour bridge, check out Luna Park, and when the bell goes, be waiting for these pampered fags with chains and baseball bats.

A sliding scale of points can be handed out for injuries such as ‘black eye = 5pts’ right up to ‘killing a Shore boy = 1000pts’. Hell, if you’re from out that way you’re destined for jail anyway, so why not just get in while you’re young with a 10 to 14-year stint for murder. That way by the time you’re released you’ll skip the Youth Allowance and go straight to JobSeeker.

Don’t ever let it be said that we at New Australian Bulletin don’t fully express our genuine sense of social justice.

Here endeth the challenge.

The Dead Poofters Society

Shore School, home of the ‘hyper-masculine’

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