6 min 2 yrs

The Global Times has attacked Australia over the Morrison government’s inability to allow our foreign policy to be dictated by China.

In a series of bellicose articles, the squawking Beijing mouthpiece has borrowed the infamous line of former Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, who in the 1990s made a jibe about Australia being destined to become the “poor white trash of Asia.” That is, unless we allowed ourselves to become fully Asianised. 

No journalist from The Global Times has set foot in Australia recently, since the idea we’re still a White country is sadly outdated. That was one of the barbs in the never-ending salvos of invective fired at us as payback for not behaving more like the tributary state they have been patiently cultivating.

This week, Beijing continued its imitation of the Sopranos crew by suspending our Barley exports on the basis they are “harmful weeds”. This from a country which uses rat poison as its prime ingredient in baby formula. And after the cute-but-cantankerous South Park cut-outs from the regime’s bully bureau banned imports from an abattoir in Queensland for something or other. Likewise, our wine industry is being “probed”, hopefully not anally, on other bogus grounds.

None of this has anything to do with whatever they allege, and outside of the industry fatsos who never help Australians anyway, we couldn’t care less. We all know the real reasons are the insistence by the Morrison government for independent doctors to investigate the China Plague which China is already treating as if it came from somewhere else. This coupled with new laws restricting foreign influence, and harmful foreign investment. They particularly take issue with the latter since all their investment IS harmful and they believe it rude of us to single them out.

Dumping on Huawei by not allowing them to lay their global spying-link throughout our nation also got their goat up, while Scott Morrison’s threat to tear up Dictator Daniel Andrews’ One Belt One Road deal has particularly irked this intemperate nation of rowdy midgets.

Andrews is a favourite of President Xi Jinping, for obvious reasons. Back in May, the Pooh Bear lookalike commended his Australian protégé by announcing at a press conference he was doing “an excellent job.” He wasn’t wrong either, he made a sterling mess out of Victoria in an act of demolition that must’ve pleased Beijing no end.

Yet, the whole picture is hinky, from each side of the frame to the other. For a start, Morrison, who is lapping up the praise from conservatives for his “tough stance” is the wanker who, as treasurer, signed off on all of the foreign investment from China to begin with. Meanwhile, the grand poohbah of the Liberal Party, John Howard, whose great passion it was to kowtow to China in the hope of scraping up whatever sovereigns fell from their pockets, is urging a stern but submissive response — a kind of policy from Canberra that sounds strong and pleases those like us, while spelling supplication in Mandarin. Which is no doubt what he’s doing anyway.

As for us, we could care less whether they ban exports. Again, none of these bastards is any use to us — they’ve never so much as put a rissole on our table. They’re only after the shekels for the top tier of their industry. Frankly, they ought to get off their bums and find new markets. Fuck China. We say “go on then, Mr Ching Chong Chinaman, go and grow some barley in that nutritiously contaminated soil of yours.”

All of these criticisms of our exports being ‘biothreats’ is rich coming from the nation which infected the entire world with its careless laboratory-spawned nasties. The hypocrisy is spectacular. China exports nothing but junk. You eat their food and two hours later you’re hungry again; buy any sort of electrical goods made in their shonky punishment sweatshops and its short-circuited five seconds after plugging it in. There’s no one to complain to either since none of their brand names leads back to legitimate companies, they’re all just awful knockoffs.

So, all the baiting and temper tantrums in the world aren’t doing China any good. They have little understanding of the occidental businessman, and to behave in such a truculent, pathetic manner is not about to endear them to larger markets. Hell, they ought to be embarrassed.

And that’s all we have to say about the Yellow Peril on this matter. Frankly, we don’t even perceive them as a threat. One Indian banana boat would probably take out half their navy. They’re full of shit, so treat them like poison Smurfs and just be done with it.

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