5 min 2 yrs

What has the human condition degenerated to when grown-ups are fighting over dunny paper?

What kind of mania drives humans to this kind of apelike behaviour? Since the coronavirus™ panic has been spread by the media reports have filed in about aggressive panic-buyers biffing each other over multipacks of bog tissue. And, tellingly enough, nearly all are women.

A mother and daughter of dubious ethnicity have been charged over a brawl in a Sydney Woolworths involving a contentious jumbo packet of bum wipes. The fight concerned three women, all major-league fatties, brawling in the aisle of the Chullora Woolworths in southwestern Sydney.

In the hilarious viral video, the mother and daughter, aged 60 and 23, react reflexively when a morbidly obese 49-year-old African woman filched a megapack of poo paper from their trolley which was loaded with the stuff. This is turn caused the bloated boo-boo to freak out like a cornered chimp grabbing each of the women by one of her hefty paws.

But, here’s the thing, she was the one shrieking as if endangered yet given her size and the fact the others were being shaken like dolls, then it’s our belief she was the more guilty. Outside of the fact she would never have been allowed into the country on our watch, we still don’t understand why whoever owns her isn’t required to hold a permit. She obviously started the argument by lifting the bog wrap from the other women’s trolley, so in this case, the law, who has charged the mother and daughter, is playing up to black privilege.

While the mother and daughter are clearly both wogs, it’s possible they’re of European origin which makes them more acceptable than the she-gorilla. This snorting, wailing beast is quite a sight, and must’ve frightened the two women. But the question cannot be avoided, what’s with the argy over dunny rolls?

Women have a particular relationship with toilet paper, but these women with a combined weight of a semi-trailer evidently require a lot. The body size of each suggests an abnormal consumption of food leading to excessive excreting. This, in turn, means they probably burn through the equivalent of 100 rolls a week minimum. This would also suggest that coronavirus has nothing to do with their hoarding the bog wrap but is just a natural shop for a trio of heavy pooers.

Yet, a typical woman weighing less uses quadruple the toilet paper than a man does. Not only does she issue ungodly secretions from any number of glands on her body, but her fixation with body preparation taxes the bog wrap supplies. A woman will fight to the death over the last ply on an empty roll holder.

Earlier in the week, a woman at a Parramatta supermarket pulled a knife on a man, again over a package of shit paper. But the police let her go because she was deaf and dumb and they felt sorry for her.

Meanwhile, a video has emerged of another scrap at a Melbourne Coles. In the footage, which has questions over its authenticity since being shared by a known YouTube prankster, an elderly woman slaps another woman in a spat over a ten-pack of crack wipes. It looks real enough, as the old woman snatches the paper from a younger woman hoarding a queen’s ransom in trot tickets.

Again, the assumption is that this is part of the coronavirus hysteria but we think it’s just women acting like women. In an era where all men are expected to genuflect at the altar of feminism, the IQ and character of the average woman are now on display without the illusion of cosmetics and what is revealed is about as ugly as the contents of a wino’s intestines.

Fat Alberta gives the other fat woman the ISIS finger sign

Never come between a woman and her dunny wrap

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