BUDDY, CAN YOU SPARE A ROLL?

I
used to feel like a king decked in gold

More dunny paper than I ever saw sold

Now I’m lucky to score a ply-fold

Buddy can you spare a roll?

It’s discomforting to not be clean down there

It itches, and hurts like buggery I swear

My kingdom I would give for a wipe

Buddy can you spare a roll?

In France they freshen with a bidet

I’m looking forward to a whole new day

I’ll take two jumbo packs and I’ll pay

Buddy can you spare a roll?

What will I be reduced to askance?

Using a pair of my underpants

This crazy world has hit me where it hurts

Buddy can you spare a roll?

What about my old mum?

Who’s going to clean her poor old bum?

If there’s not a pack of Sorbent on the shelves

Buddy can you spare a roll?

For fear of a virus catching they scare

Now I feel it in my derriere

A shower or two to kill the rank sting

Buddy can you spare a roll?

I tried raiding the public lav

But someone got there before me, it’s sad

I feel it right in my soul

Buddy can you spare a roll?

And what about the king and queen

How are they going to keep theirs clean?

Hear us all the same tale of woe

Buddy can you spare a roll?