February 12, 2020

CORONAVIRUS RENAMED COVID-19

Every virus needs a name, in the case of the western sickness, it’s called Woke, but for the virus formerly known as Coronavirus, it’s now Covid-19.

We prefer Coronavirus because it has that good ‘Corona’ part of it, which is either a stubby cigar or a frosty Mexican beer; ideal for slaking a parched throat during the great Aussie heatwave.

When it started out in 2019, the Chinese Coronavirus was just another viral strain trying to make it in an overcrowded market. It was hard to forge a name for itself when the world had already survived such mega viruses as Swine Flu, Ebola and SARS. But anyone keen on betting rank outsiders would’ve had their money on this underdog flu rising up to beat all before. Such is how the World Health Organisation (WHO) now regards the once humble Coronavirus before it grew up to become the fearsome Covid-19 which we’re all awed by today.

The Covid-19 is a headline-grabber and a potential money-making monster for entrepreneurs keen to hustle into the medical supply market. However, it also has its detractors, such as Australia’s top universities, and our own work-experience Prime Minister, Scott Morrison.

ScoMo is so panicky about how it’s affecting our trade with China that this week he aimed a broadside at whoever blames the Chinese for spreading the virus. He used the word “racist” in regards to reports and attitudes about the yellow devil spreading its deadly lurgy, but of course, it is totally a racial thing because Chinese choose to eat bats, whereas we know not to even touch them.

As it stands, deaths attributed to Covid-19 stand at 11,000 on the Chinese mainland with 44,000 confirmed cases. The World Health Organisation has likened the dangers of Coronavirus as being greater than the terror threat, whatever that is supposed to mean. However, since Coronavirus was made in China, that’s where the main theatre of operations is happening, while the rest of the world has put up the Hazmat notice, and politely asked China to keep out.  

It’s not with a little chagrin that China has reacted to Australia’s quarantine efforts which have included barring entry to Chinese citizens, and more importantly, to students. They view this move as unreasonable and have accused us of ‘racism’ and wagged their allegorical finger. A Chinese envoy to China even compared travel bans imposed on his people to the Holocaust. Yet, right now they have bigger fish to fry, or eat raw, as is usually the case. And not regular fish either, but creatures with three-heads that swim out of waste pipes glowing like UFOs.

Currently, China has suspended all free movement and civil rights, which shouldn’t bother the Chinese since they’ve never had them. Major cities are more-or-less under martial rule, which they always were anyway, so nothing new there.

Scenes coming out of China reveal what were once futuristic scenarios in which Pluto men in space suits drag citizens out of their homes and hurl them into trucks headed for undisclosed ‘treatment’ facilities. Now, it’s reality, and movies which depicted such scenarios can take a bow.

They are even using facial recognition technology to spy on the population to track Coronavirus victims.

While this sounds all professional and ordered in its containment strategy, that’s not the story that has been coming from dissident citizen journalists reporting on the real situation on the ground. One, in particular, is Chen Qiushi, a 34-year-old lawyer. He took it upon himself to get the ridgey-didge story and share it on social media, which you can only access in China with a VPN. However, his uploads went viral in the west (pardon the pun).

He challenged the might of the Communist Party by defying their crackdown on spreading information about the virus. They’re not big on truth in the CPC since it tends to get in the way of whatever propagandistic fabrications they’re peddling.

In the videos coming out from Chen and other activists, victims can be seen jammed up against the walls of hospital corridors, while others are forced to crawl drooling and dazed through the streets, minding corpses in their way.

Chen’s heroic actions have revealed a government not-so-in-control as they’d have the world believe. Sadly, for his efforts, after nearly 100 “vlogs”, they finally tracked Chen down. Now, he’ll be known as Chen Who, with a question mark, since he’ll probably never be heard from again. Official word has it that he “has caught the virus” and is being “treated”, but that’s just a funny way of saying he was shot by a firing squad. Erm, possibly.

Nonetheless, people are getting angry, and this energy might just lead to the unstitching of the commie fabric. Dr Li Wenliang is regarded as something of a martyr by Chinese supporters, and since his death, has been widely honoured. Dr Wenliang was at the coalface of treating the virus and died during the course of his work. However, authorities closed in on him as he attempted to warn the world about the virus. On his deathbed, he was quoted as saying, “A healthy society should not have one voice”, which is a direct attack upon the authoritarian state.

This is a view, which might have been rejected prior to the outbreak, but is most likely gaining traction with the people.

The impact of the virus has shown the communist regime to be woefully unprepared for anything but exerting force. It can control the people, but not the virus it would seem, which must come as an annoyance to their rigid sense of order.

One thing they’re running out of is protective gear such as facemasks and hazmat suits. In fact, in hilarious pictures that have appeared, locals can be seen doing whatever they can to improvise. One goose had a sanitary napkin for a mask, while others have resorted to cutting holes in large plastic bottles, and wearing them over their heads.

None of this has seemingly impacted on the diets of the population, which remains insistently disgusting, and involves gorging on the world’s most noble beasts. Once upon a time, British aristocrats dined on turtle soup, until they learned the barbarity of their ways. But this reptilian bisque is being served in hospitals to Coronavirus patients. It wouldn’t surprise us if there was a dash of bat’s blood in there to give it a spot of colour, either.

Since then President Xi has stolen himself away from his honeypot, pulled on a facemask, and posed for staged pictures of him reassuring the hoi polloi that everything is under control. Before he has them all shot.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.