Today marks 70 years since Mao Zedong proclaimed the People’s Republic of China on October 1, 1949, open for monkey business.

To mark the occasion, Tiananmen Square thundered to the noisome spectacle of the infertile China President Xi Jinping, blathering on with imperialistic noise as he oversaw a brassy military parade.

On display as the centrepiece of this martially choreographed dragon pageant was a vehicle-mounted nuclear missile, the DF-17, which is enough to make Confucius poop his pants.

This inscrutable weapon has the capacity to evade America’s high-tech defence shields and can avoid detection through its MSG-free hypersonic glide action.

Jinping is a great shame to the tradition of his people, since he only has one daughter, and it’s probably not even his. There are no males as his heir to succession given that he wishes to defy the communist party and establish a dynasty.

His eradiated sperm count, with the infertility issues it brings, probably explains his need to overcompensate.

As such, looking like a cut-out from a South Park cartoon (or an illustration of Winnie The Pooh), this ridiculous man sprayed out in Mandarin about how he has restored his country to its non-existent past glory in the time of the three wise pandas.

Even Hitler would have just laughed at this tenth-rate knock-off display of a funny-talking dictator. He was like a Thunderbirds’ puppet as he declared that “no force” can shake China now.

For all his bellicose berating of countries that would claim China’s motives aren’t peaceful, he sure knows how to contradict his own propaganda so swiftly there is no need for anyone else to do it.

Still, the spectacle’s double-entendre wasn’t hard to miss, what with Xi Jinping’s erectile-dysfunction, and his flaunting of this great missile.

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