Wed. Oct 16th, 2019

CLIMATE BABY’S UN DUMMY SPIT

UN climate baby, Halinka Anya Hanschettsen from Sweden, aged three months, may have stolen the limelight from the now-ageing child activist Greta Thunber over global warming, but Donald Trump gave her the cold shoulder.

Hanschettsen was about to address the UN Annual Conference for Whingeing & Destroying White Nations when President Donald Trump entered the room, abruptly upstaging her.

The disappointment was evident on Ms Hanschettesn’s face. Nonetheless, her speech before the U.N. was received at first with polite laughter, but then with thunderous applause.

Drawing on her considerable life experience, Ms Hanschettsen told the assembly, “Waaaahhhhhhh waaaaahhhhhh waaaaahhhhhh waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh waaaaahhhhhh waaaaaahhhhhhh.”

It is understood by a translator of baby talk that this was an urgent message about climate action tinged with strong remonstration for U.N. leaders over their inactivity on the issue. Well, either that or she needed her nappy changed.

Halinka rose to international prominence as a climate activist when she refused to breastfeed due to climate anxiety. It was then, as therapy, she embarked on a long tour of speeches, often telling fellow climate protesters, “Waaaahhhhhhhhh.”

Since becoming a powerful figure in the Swedish Climate Action movement, she has gone on to travel the world by magical umbrella – with the help of her nanny, Mary Poppins.

Previously, child activist Greta Thunberg had commanded the attention of the world but as she turned 17, she was considered “too old”. Her career plummeted when it was discovered that she was a big meat eater, habitually started bushfires, and took 3000 UN-chartered flights back-and-forth from Sweden to Ibiza where she had gained a reputation as a ‘party girl’.   

Whether or not world leaders will listen to Halinka remains to be seen. In many countries, she is regarded as a precocious crybaby. Donald Trump Tweeted “I think-a Halinka’s diapers a-stinka!” for which he was heavily criticised as being a childphobe.

Halinka has previously told reporters that when she grows up she hopes to be a transgender unicorn.

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